More NBC v Apple nonsense

It's time for episode 2 of "The Honeymooners" featuring Jobs and Zucker.

Since our last episode Steve has left for work, having a big meeting coming up on Wednesday that he just can't miss. The kids have momentarily tired of the game of Mortgage collapse and are anxiously awaiting the presents that dad will be announcing at his event in the morning.

With Steve gone for the day, NBC has a great idea. She'll just rewrite the rules and set things straight. Of course, her really good friend (and lesbian lover) "Amazon" has come over and is standing right inside the door holding a bag of groceries. Amazon has a big smile on her face and seems pretty happy that she's been invited over.

(Announcement from HBC via press release)

NBC: "Kids... Now that Steve has gone, I think it's time we go over how things will be working with all your favorite shows from now on."

"Instead of that nasty Apple iTunes, we'll be watching the shows you know and love through Amazon Unbox... Yay!!!"

Joey Consumer: "Uh... What?

NBC: "Yes, that's right, Mom's new friend 'Amazon' will be the way to get 'Heroes', 'The Office' and all the new favorite shows you'll learn about, Drama Encore, Chuck and The Biggest Loser! Aren't you happy!!!"

Joey Consumer: "I think I'm watching 'the biggest loser' right now."

"Isn't Amazon Unbox the service that doesn't work on my iPod?"

"Isn't it the service that got universally bad reviews and tramples my rights?"

"I feel like I'm getting shafted"

NBC: "Don't be silly..."

"I've made sure that this transition will be as painless as possible for me... er I mean, you..."

"Amazon Unbox is great! It works with all kinds of media players, iPods are a thing of the past, you really need a Zune, there are dozens of tens of thousands of them in the marketplace, and of course, Amazon also works on Creative Zen, they practically invented the portable media player."

"Just think how cool it will be to stand out from all your friends with the new Brown Zune! - The Screen is bigger you know...:"

Joey Consumer: "So My current shows that I purchased from you will play on the Zunezen thingy?"

NBC: "Oh yes, you'll just have to re-purchase them, but the shows do work on the players"

"And the best part is that you can use the new shows on up to two computers and two whole media players!"

"Great huh!"

Joey Consumer: "did you say, 're-purchase?'"

"Dude... I got five computers with iTunes and I can add the shows to as many iPods as I want. Plus, I can share the shows with my Girlfriend's computer even if she is signed in under her account so that we don't have to buy the same shows twice. It's really easy!"

NBC: "Well, that's the problem see... You need to be a little more responsible with what you are doing. Sharing the videos you paid 2.00 each for with a couple friends is really not appropriate. That's something you can only do with DVDs. If your girlfriend wants to watch she really should buy her own copy."

Joey Consumer: "Don't you give these shows away for free to anyone with an antenna or basic cable service?"

"Also... You didn't answer me on the re-purchase question"

NBC: "Yes, but you have a computer and are probably going to steal the show and give it away for free to your friends, I can't allow that"

Joey Consumer: "What planet are you from? I was paying you money for DRM protected iTunes shows. I've never done that before. You realize that I'm not rich and the idea of giving you money has never been a part of my vocabulary, right?"

"Do you know what 'Looking a gift horse in the mouth' means?"

NBC: "Listen kid, this really is a better deal, I don't want to have to tell you again. You'll like it or you'll do without."

"I work really hard to get these shows made and I spend tons of money trying to get you interested in them. It's not like I can just put these things up one some mythical TV Land where you just tell me what you want by paying for it."

"This is hard work and I'm sure that you are probably not mature enough to understand why it's just not good business to give you what you want... It should really be about what I think you need. I'm sure that you'll agree."

Amazon: (standing somewhat awkwardly in the doorway) "Hey, don't forget that Amazon Unbox works with your Tivo! and the shows are available the day after they air"

Joey Consumer: "So I can buy the show and watch it on my Tivo instead of telling my Tivo to record it for free?"

Amazon: (still standing somewhat awkwardly in the doorway) "That's right... Awesome huh!"

Joey Consumer: "Can you even do math?"

"I want to show you something, It's called a 'torrent'... Us kids invented it after some ass-hats at the record companies got in the way of a product called 'Napster'. It decentralizes the transfer of files so that no one source can easily be prosecuted for the distribution of pirated material. It's widely used to distribute TV programs at High Def quality minutes after they air."

Zucker stammers, Bezos stands awkwardly and the camera fades out...

That concludes episode 2. Stay tuned for the next episode, "The beat goes on"

Hey guess what... You can get some insight into the next episode by contacting the executives at NBC

1 comment:

  1. lemme see I can pay 2 bucks to apple for an episode, or 5 bucks to Amazon for NBC shows,


    I can tivo it,


    I can torrent the show in a better format, that I also can use on any media player, in higher quality video than itunez or Amazon, and I can do this all for free?

    You're right. It's not going to take long for folks to get the hint, and incidentally once they start for NBC series they're not going to stop there. Apple will be hit financially as well, as they should.

    Those eps shouldn't cost but 25 or 50 cents each.

    Anything else is an insult and highway robbery.